Day 6

Today I am walking like an old woman.

I don't feel like one, naturally, but my calves are tight and sore and it makes straightening my legs painful. I went on a little run this morning, and they loosened up - but after sitting for awhile they tighten up again. And I forget, so when I get up from working every so often, it's a bit of a surprise.

Patrick had asked us to get our benchmark measurements done by now, and I am delinquent (and feel disproportionally guilty about it). With my calves the way they are, today was also not a good day to either test my flexibility or my strength as I feel handicapped for those tests and don't want to sandbag future progress reports. I will try to benchmark tomorrow.

This week has been busier than usual - I'm still playing catchup from taking a week off to be home with my family and am looking forward to life slowly settling back to a sustainable level of activity. To be honest, I'm hoping to settle into a life with a little less activity than I've been accustomed to having. Or at least activity more consciously chosen.

This wish has crossed my mind more and more often in recent months - and is a thought that bumps across my mind at least twice during each meditation session attempt, as I try to be aware of being alive in the stillness of my apartment, listening to the distant sounds of traffic. I'm still feeling out what it is I'm actually reaching for, groping in the dark: it's not as though I'm looking for a life where I don't do anything and nothing happens. I'm probably looking to be more mindful of how I'm spending my time - and then either being present in what I'm doing, or not doing what doesn't really add anything to my life.

So much easier said than done ...